nobody loves me because i am self-destructive and i’m self-destructive because i want love
do you know how hard it is to learn to tie a noose
goal for the day: dont cry at work
youre the first thing i think about when i wake up. its 8:52 am and I’m crying on the floor next to the couch my friends are sleeping on. i don’t know how to make it stop. so ill lay awake and cry until they wake up. I’m scared to go to work. I’m scared to get off work. I’m scared to sleep in my own bed. I’m scared to be alone with my own thoughts, which coincidentally only replay the last 3 days over and over in my head. it hurts so badly, like a cigarette burn on my chest spreading like wildfire till i have nothing left. the only thing that calms me is writing this out. in my head i hope that by writing every thought out they will stay here and not be inside me and i wont be responsible for them anymore. but then i think of your skin and I’m hysterical again. i wish i could erase every inch of you from my head.
my anxiety gets the best of me and ruins my life. I’ve learned from my mistakes, i can see the error in my ways but how can i control it? i haven’t quite mastered the art of overcoming separation anxiety and being so goddamn neurotic. when will i be okay, when do i get to stop caring. its fresh and my skin is pink and green and swollen from these tears. i want you so bad i think its devouring me.i don’t think I’ve felt this kind of sadness in a long time.